It's a Zoo Out There

Today was a good day for me. Brad actually joined Sienna and I on a family outing. We went to the Los Angeles Zoo. While the zoo wasn't very impressive, my time with my family outweighed any disappointments I may have had on this hot summer day.

Here's a shot of Sienna and the BradDad visiting with girraffes.

Sienna Is About to Crawl

We have a very eager four month old that is eggin' to crawl. She loves her tummy time and spends most of it reaching and grasping for toys in front of her, with her legs bending and manuevering all the while.

And now she sings on the boob. I used to hum to her to lull her to sleep and I still do, but now she does it back to me while she's nursing. It's really funny, 'cause there's no harmony or anything, just this sort of baby sound that's continuous. It's a riot.

I love motherhood more than I ever imagined I would.

Sienna's Giggles

Considering the poor girl took a hard fall, she's still a happy baby. She's so easy to play with. But I wish I had more developmental toys to play with her. I'm just not sure what sort of toys they're supposed to be. We have teddy bears and things that make noise and are tactile...but what else are you supposed to have for a three month old? I have no clue. Can you tell I'm a very new first time mother. Like, one who has rarely been exposed to babies to begin with?

Ahhh, the joys of growing with my little girl.

After the Fall: A Mother Scorned

If I could take hold of that very moment I would catch my darling child in my arms. I am crazed and pained and agonized. After telling the "BadDad" not to put our three month daughter in a swing chair, on her tummy...she fell. She toppled over and hit her beautiful face on the tile floor. Thump! That's all I could hear. And then I screamed. I screamed everything I could think of. Why didn't he listen to me!?! You don't put an infant in a chair inappropriately. The chair was not made for little ones to lay on their tummy. Just the sheer word, "chair," tells you that. She wasn't even strapped in.

I asked him nicely three times not to do that and he did not listen. As if he thought he knew best. As if, somehow, it made sense to have her swing in the chair but be seated completely incorrectly.

Anger consumed me. I hated every ounce of him. I wanted to lash out and strike him. What prevented me from doing it? Sometimes, I wish I did. I think the shriek of my little girl's cry stopped me. He got to her before I could and I wanted to rip her out of his arms. How could someone who professed to love her, actually hurt her. I can't see this as a mistake. I warned him not to place her in the chair, in a way that the chair was never made for.

I am living a lie. Because when I look at him, I really despise him. I am empty. I wonder what will become of my little girl and I want to run and save her as an effort to protect her. How stupid and irresponsible can someone be? After the fall, his very existence sickens me beyond what I could have ever imagined.

Sienna looks like she's managed to come around. I called her Pediatrician and he assured me that she was okay. No blood coming from her nose? She screamed? She wasn't unconscious, then. She'll be all right. But I AM NOT ALL RIGHT! I want to pack our bags and leave for Phoenix. But I know I should keep my eye on her every hour just in case she doesn't wake up from sleeping. What if she's hemorrhaging internally in her head! I am livid! I can't seem to come off of it. I can't get away from the disdain I have towards him.

...And so I ask God for help and for me to embrace forgiving him. But the BadDad hasn't even apologized or asked for forgiveness. I would be easier for me to give him grace if he at least asked.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. It'll be Sienna and my first Mother's Day. Guaranteed the BadDad doesn't even have a clue what day it is tomorrow.

It's been a rough weekend for me. And for Sienna, too, would be my guess. But she looks like she seriously has managed to bounce back. She still smiles at me in the morning when we wake up. She still kisses the sunshine hello and I am greatful for that. She is the love of my life.

I hear her now...

She Is Not a Boy! Great Grandmothers & Grand Daughters

Sienna's 91 year old, paternal Great-grandmother came by to hang out with her. But for some reason, no matter how many times we tell her, gently correct her, or point out that Sienna is wearing pink, she insists on calling our little girl A BOY! We can't figure it out.

Okay, maybe Sienna favors the BradDad and he's a boy, so there's some connotation there. But not enough to keep calling her a boy. She's wearing pink for crying out loud!

Here's what I suggest...at least until I can get over the boy calling thing...just call her a "baby". Say things like, "Oh, the baby's so cute." Or, "The baby this or that." But, please don't call her a boy and we'll stop taking offence :-). She's gonna get a complex! :-)

Mom, You're Amazing!

Heheheh. My mom, Erica, called me today to say she thought I was uploading bad things about her on my blog. She said that was the only reason I got one and never sent it to her. What daughter does that!?! At least not so close to Mother's Day, anyways? :-) I'm just kidding.

Mom, if you're reading this I just wanna say I LOVE YOU!!!

Today, my Mom retired...well, this is actually her second retirement. After, what, 40 years...I think she's been working for as long as I've been around...she finally said goodbye to a part-time post she's had for quite some time. I'm happy for her, but terribly scared, too. What's she gonna do all day? I'm sure she could think of a ton of things to tell me, like Garden, sleep, make cards, sleep, scrapbook, sleep, play with her dogs, sleep some more. Sounds like a good retirement to me!

That photo up top is a picture of my sister, me, and my beautiful Mom. And...I'm certain she'll be filling up her free days with some serious constructive projects. In fact, I betcha she'll be hard to reach in the coming days. I better get on her schedule before it's booked up.

You go Mom! With your bad self!!! :-)

Angry Baby & The Boob Factor

No one told me that babies get angry and they make no bones about letting you know you've just pissed them off. Sienna was not a happy camper after we nursed her, cuddled her, sang to her, spent our whole day with her, changed her...goodness...I thought I did everything you could do for a baby and this chica was still not happy. It's 8:00 and it's bed-time. Besides, I still have work I need to finish up before the evening is caput!

So, I gave her to the BradDad. And for the life of him, he couldn't get her to stop crying. You know how when someone gets upset they bang their fist on the nearest hard object? Well that was Sienna. The BradDad put her in her crib and the minute her butt landed on the mattress, her left leg immediately went into repeated bangs...bang, bang, bang...rapid fire motions. I never saw a baby do tha before. She actually was truly upset with us. She just didn't want to go to bed.

Now, if you stuck a boob in her mouth and let her suck on that for a while, she was all good. But I can't be a walking boob every hour of the day. I'm okay with the better part of the day, but not my every waking hour!

Okay, Sienna, you rule!!! You win! You are the Queen...all those crazy onesies with the quotes on them are true. You've lived up to each one of them, even the one that asks, "Does this make my butt look too big?" :-) I give in. Here's my boob!

And so finally, she fell asleep with my boob in her mouth. I gently pried it out and left her on the bed with the BradDad. Ahhhhh, peace and quiet, and a moment to finish up some very abandoned domestic chores.

I love you, Sienna.

Mom!

Hitting the Big 40

Who was it that said the 40's are like the 30's. Whoever it was, I wanna kiss them and thank them for the encouragement. Now, I'm hoping it is just like that...hey if I can still pass for 30 -something, I'm gonna milk that decade for all it was worth!

Such a Beautiful House, For Such a Bad Time

So much work and beautiful craftsmanship, wasted on a bad market. Does anyone know anyone in the market to purchase or rent out a house. Peep these shots and this website for the real, deal.

Ahhhh, and maybe then we could relax. www.5429woodman.com

I Miss Being Pregnant

There was something about being pregnant that I miss terribly. I can't figure it out. Wasn't it less than two months ago that was I harping, "Oh, I wish this little baby would just come!" and now here I am actually yearning for the pregnancy not to be over.

Strange. I think I enjoyed the sympathetic looks you'd get from other Moms. I liked the doors that were held open for you by men that would otherwise be oblivious to chivalry. I got a kick out of guys checking me out from the back and then I'd turn to a profile position with my humongous belly pointing at them, and they'd freak out. I like all the congrats I'd get from strangers. People just seemed to be nicer and more caring.

Now, when I dodge through a store with my travel system stroller and baby in tow, no one seems to see me, even though that contraption on wheels is pretty in-your-face obvious. When I walk through Target with the car seat brimming the shopping cart, as big as it is, no one seems to see me. It's like they refuse to step out of the way. "Look here, people!...I'm the one with the baby. Move out of our way!" Nehhhh, I may want to scream that, but I refrain from spewing mad-Mommy mantras!

So for now, I'll just remain invisible with my very visible baby. :-)