She Brings Me Joy

I am having so much fun being a Mom. Even with the spills, the falls, and the bumbs that Sienna inevitably gets...and as nervous as it makes me...it's all such a joy. This little one smiles at me in the morning and lights up my day. She says, "I want my Momma" and makes me melt. I fear, however, that she'll be walking before we know it. It seemed like just last month she mastered crawling. (Even thought it was her crawling at 5 months) Already at 7 months she's on all peds sometimes. Quite an amazing little girl we have.

It's a Zoo Out There

Today was a good day for me. Brad actually joined Sienna and I on a family outing. We went to the Los Angeles Zoo. While the zoo wasn't very impressive, my time with my family outweighed any disappointments I may have had on this hot summer day.

Here's a shot of Sienna and the BradDad visiting with girraffes.

Sienna Is About to Crawl

We have a very eager four month old that is eggin' to crawl. She loves her tummy time and spends most of it reaching and grasping for toys in front of her, with her legs bending and manuevering all the while.

And now she sings on the boob. I used to hum to her to lull her to sleep and I still do, but now she does it back to me while she's nursing. It's really funny, 'cause there's no harmony or anything, just this sort of baby sound that's continuous. It's a riot.

I love motherhood more than I ever imagined I would.

Sienna's Giggles

Considering the poor girl took a hard fall, she's still a happy baby. She's so easy to play with. But I wish I had more developmental toys to play with her. I'm just not sure what sort of toys they're supposed to be. We have teddy bears and things that make noise and are tactile...but what else are you supposed to have for a three month old? I have no clue. Can you tell I'm a very new first time mother. Like, one who has rarely been exposed to babies to begin with?

Ahhh, the joys of growing with my little girl.

After the Fall: A Mother Scorned

If I could take hold of that very moment I would catch my darling child in my arms. I am crazed and pained and agonized. After telling the "BadDad" not to put our three month daughter in a swing chair, on her tummy...she fell. She toppled over and hit her beautiful face on the tile floor. Thump! That's all I could hear. And then I screamed. I screamed everything I could think of. Why didn't he listen to me!?! You don't put an infant in a chair inappropriately. The chair was not made for little ones to lay on their tummy. Just the sheer word, "chair," tells you that. She wasn't even strapped in.

I asked him nicely three times not to do that and he did not listen. As if he thought he knew best. As if, somehow, it made sense to have her swing in the chair but be seated completely incorrectly.

Anger consumed me. I hated every ounce of him. I wanted to lash out and strike him. What prevented me from doing it? Sometimes, I wish I did. I think the shriek of my little girl's cry stopped me. He got to her before I could and I wanted to rip her out of his arms. How could someone who professed to love her, actually hurt her. I can't see this as a mistake. I warned him not to place her in the chair, in a way that the chair was never made for.

I am living a lie. Because when I look at him, I really despise him. I am empty. I wonder what will become of my little girl and I want to run and save her as an effort to protect her. How stupid and irresponsible can someone be? After the fall, his very existence sickens me beyond what I could have ever imagined.

Sienna looks like she's managed to come around. I called her Pediatrician and he assured me that she was okay. No blood coming from her nose? She screamed? She wasn't unconscious, then. She'll be all right. But I AM NOT ALL RIGHT! I want to pack our bags and leave for Phoenix. But I know I should keep my eye on her every hour just in case she doesn't wake up from sleeping. What if she's hemorrhaging internally in her head! I am livid! I can't seem to come off of it. I can't get away from the disdain I have towards him.

...And so I ask God for help and for me to embrace forgiving him. But the BadDad hasn't even apologized or asked for forgiveness. I would be easier for me to give him grace if he at least asked.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. It'll be Sienna and my first Mother's Day. Guaranteed the BadDad doesn't even have a clue what day it is tomorrow.

It's been a rough weekend for me. And for Sienna, too, would be my guess. But she looks like she seriously has managed to bounce back. She still smiles at me in the morning when we wake up. She still kisses the sunshine hello and I am greatful for that. She is the love of my life.

I hear her now...

She Is Not a Boy! Great Grandmothers & Grand Daughters

Sienna's 91 year old, paternal Great-grandmother came by to hang out with her. But for some reason, no matter how many times we tell her, gently correct her, or point out that Sienna is wearing pink, she insists on calling our little girl A BOY! We can't figure it out.

Okay, maybe Sienna favors the BradDad and he's a boy, so there's some connotation there. But not enough to keep calling her a boy. She's wearing pink for crying out loud!

Here's what I suggest...at least until I can get over the boy calling thing...just call her a "baby". Say things like, "Oh, the baby's so cute." Or, "The baby this or that." But, please don't call her a boy and we'll stop taking offence :-). She's gonna get a complex! :-)

Mom, You're Amazing!

Heheheh. My mom, Erica, called me today to say she thought I was uploading bad things about her on my blog. She said that was the only reason I got one and never sent it to her. What daughter does that!?! At least not so close to Mother's Day, anyways? :-) I'm just kidding.

Mom, if you're reading this I just wanna say I LOVE YOU!!!

Today, my Mom retired...well, this is actually her second retirement. After, what, 40 years...I think she's been working for as long as I've been around...she finally said goodbye to a part-time post she's had for quite some time. I'm happy for her, but terribly scared, too. What's she gonna do all day? I'm sure she could think of a ton of things to tell me, like Garden, sleep, make cards, sleep, scrapbook, sleep, play with her dogs, sleep some more. Sounds like a good retirement to me!

That photo up top is a picture of my sister, me, and my beautiful Mom. And...I'm certain she'll be filling up her free days with some serious constructive projects. In fact, I betcha she'll be hard to reach in the coming days. I better get on her schedule before it's booked up.

You go Mom! With your bad self!!! :-)